Major Marvel Superheroes. Spider-Man Superpowers Debriefing (Topic)

Briefly about the difference between heroism and superheroism

Another superhero and another question: "Why is he, in fact, a hero"?

Any fan will immediately puff up and, twisting a business man, will say: “So he does good, saves people, punishes criminals and all that.”

This is all true. But here, sorry, it doesn't smell like heroism. Why? Let's explain in simple words.

A hero is one who saves people, even if not at the cost of his life, but at least not afraid to give it up for a just cause.

In the case of superheroes, we have people who are endowed with abilities, mutations, or are clothed in special suits that simply do not just make them invulnerable and practically indestructible, reducing the option of "self-sacrifice" to nothing.

Spider-Man could well be called a hero if he, not having his superpowers and being an ordinary person, put on a rag suit a la "panties over tights", climbed to save a stranger from the fire without sparing his life, without fear of dying. He could be called a superhero in the event that he did not stop at one saved one and would return to the burning building more than once, while he himself was burned down and nearly died.

What do we see in comics? Where and what is the heroism of the superheroes there? To do good only after having acquired invulnerability is simply hypocrisy. I wonder if Peter Parker would have pulled on his tricos if he had not been stung by a "genetically modified" spider?

And even if yes. He would go out into the street to punish the villains, so that they would not get the ordinary citizens, he would climb to the bandits, and they would immediately fill him up. No matter how idiotic this act was, but it is precisely this that can be called heroic. But, alas, he would have gone unnoticed.

Why? Yes, because the hero, first of all, immediately got kicked and died. What kind of heroism is this, right? Secondly, at the same time, smoke did not pour out of the hero's ass, that is, everything happened without memorable special effects. Namely, they are supposedly the hallmark of superhero affairs. Thirdly, the hero so spectacularly did not attack anyone, did not take revenge and did not send anyone to the forefathers without trial and investigation. What kind of "heroism" is there then, right?

And just do not fill in here about the "feat of the Avengers." If our “heroes” had not been bombarded with their superpowers, they would all have been diligently sitting at home and the “Avengers”, behind whose backs all the rest of human antism could have eternally hidden, there would never have been any.

This is where we need to start a conversation about "superheroes" who, as it turned out, are not even close to heroes.

Who is Spider-Man and where did he come from

According to the comics, Spider-Man came from one of the seedy quarters of Marvel's New York. His name was Peter Parker. He was brought up by his uncle and aunt, since he was an orphan from an early age. At school, he played the role of a half-played nerd who was very good at school, but suffered from a low "level of social adaptation." Plus, he was catastrophically afraid to come into contact with the female sex. But this situation lasted only until high school, where he was a little lucky.

On one of the excursions, the kid who caught the kid "bit" (a row of powerful teeth appears right before his eyes, happily closing on a piece of Parker's flesh) a radioactive spider, after which our hero began mutations that made him a superman with superpowers, about which let's talk a little below.

Scientists giggled for a long time at the concept of a "radioactive spider" and at what global and paradoxical mutations the human body of a teenager was biting an insect to. As a result of such harsh scientific criticism in the new versions, the spider turned into a "genetically modified" one, which, meanwhile, did not diminish the absurdity.

Finding superhuman strength in himself, Parker, putting on a mask in order to remain unrecognized and not to be plunged into the abyss of his multi-level inferiority complex, began performing in the rings of underground battles, where he once did not stop the villain, who after a while stabbed his uncle. Since then, he began to fight crime, punishing villains without any trial and investigation and proceeding only from his own judgments, motives, considerations and imparted "parameters" of justice.

In a word, he became a criminal. But that's a different story.

In different versions and rethinks, the biography may slightly deviate from the "golden mean" we have given here. But this does not make it better or worse, neither smarter, nor less paradoxical.

The main abilities of Spider-Man and the degree of their "reality"

Saliva (or - poison, although then it turns out that the spider did not "bite", but "stung") the insect, getting into Parker's blood, spread a mutagen through all the cells of his body, which made the DNA in every cell of the body change in accordance with someone (apparently - the secretion organs of the spider itself) with a prescribed program.

Where does the spider's DNA come from, which has never been "in the skin" of human DNA, knows how to change the DNA of this very person, improving it, but, at the same time, not killing - this is not said.

As a result of a mutation, which is common in comics, Peter Parker acquired a number of superpowers, while his appearance, for some reason, never changed. Although any biochemist and bioengineer will tell you with one voice that any strong mutagen, in the first place, just distorts the human flesh and body, which was created, according to the Bible, in the image and likeness of God, and then it will take up the endowment of that what happened, superpowers. If, of course, there is still something to give them.

A DNA cell is such a super-complex system, which is simply impossible to change without breaking the rest of the "functional" inherent in it. But the spider saliva did it as well as it could, in a relatively short time, replacing all the cells in Peter Parker's body with new and improved ones in the image of the Spider.

Well, okay. Let us now turn to, in fact, what we came for, namely, to the acquired superpowers, of which, as a result of a paradoxical mutation, a lot of them were “acquired”.

Superhero Duty Kit

As in the case of the rest of the "bitten", "stung", "irradiated", "mutated", "artificially genetically modified", "born in other worlds and on other planets" or simply dressed in "super suits", Spider-Man has the following set of superpowers “built” into his “tariff package”. They are already announced by us in the material dedicated to "Captain Marvel":

• Ability to soberly and quickly assess the situation and make the right decisions.
• Super endurance.
• Enormous muscle strength.
• Strong skeleton, otherwise its bones would break under the strain of their own supermuscles.
• Individual skill. In Peter Parker's case, this is a comprehensive knowledge of a wide range of sciences and innate engineering skills.

After all, judging by the kind of "spider web" he developed and produced with his own hand, he is able to make complex devices from the grass roots.

Ability to walk on vertical surfaces

The main "distinguishing property" of Spider-Man is his ability to "crawl" on the walls of buildings without any technical devices. At different times, this ability was explained in different ways. For example, in the opening film of Sam Raimi's trilogy, we were shown how a superhero has a kind of miniature and highly pointed "jigsaw files" from the pads of the fingers, from the furrows of the skin pattern.

Here we had to believe in a fairy tale about the fact that the points at the teeth of these very "files" are so sharp and strong that they enter any surface, be it wood or granite. Moreover, the pads of five fingers support the weight of the whole body. Yes, yes, exactly five, since he rearranges his arms in the process of moving along a vertical surface. At the same time, he does not use his legs at all, which can be seen from the footage of his very first attempt to crawl on a brick wall of a building in the movie "Spider-Man" (2002), where his lower limbs dangle under him in the process of "climbing" like restless. The squared cube law clearly does not work in this universe.

We will dwell on this law in more detail when we talk about the superpowers of "Ant-Man" and his girlfriend "Wasp".

By the way, every time he tears one of his hands off the wall, his whole body, under the influence of gravity, should hang on the side of the hand that is holding onto the wall at that time.

Strange, but this, for some reason, does not happen.

In Mark Webb's dilogy, Spider-Man showed a tendency to suddenly jump up to the ceiling and "hang" on it, as if it should be, in spite of gravity. Moreover, it is in this variant that it would be better to use the word “stand”, and not “hang”. In the metro, he found himself on the ceiling of the car especially without holding onto any technological protrusions, and this time no "mini-saws for jigsaws" got out of his fingers.

In this case, there is absolutely no explanation for its ability to stick to walls and ceilings. It's just that he mutated so much. For ordinary people, who are considered to be a dull cattle, not savvy in science, they say, such an explanation will work.

In general, he climbs the walls, and climbs. And how - none of your business. And, apparently, not ours.

Speed and reaction

Again, in the 2002 movie "Spider-Man" we can see the moment when Parker, having quarreled with a bully classmate, runs into a thrashing. But, moving away from the opponent's blow, he notices that time for him seemed to slow down, which means that he began to move at least ten times faster than an ordinary person.

With the speed of the dack Flash, for which everything around completely freezes, of course, you cannot compare, but still this is a significant "achievement". Though, of course, nonsense.

By the way, if Spider-Man is capable of such a reaction and speed, no one in general could ever just hit him, unless, of course, the blow was inflicted at the speed of a jet.

But in films, for some reason, he periodically snaps from one thing or another from another. Well, okay.

Matrix-worthy Super Jumps

Looking at the jumps of "Spider-Man" from roof to roof, one involuntarily recalls Neo from The Matrix. But even there is a logical explanation for these very jumps, like, in a virtual machine, albeit in a global and created by machines, everything is possible. Almost any code can be hacked. There would be time and money. And Neo became that “tool”.

Spider-Man, on the other hand, jumps to a height of ten meters, overcoming twenty meters, not in a virtual machine.

Praise for those iron muscles that don't look like hydraulics or springs at all.

Spider Sense

In our universe, no matter how indignant someone is, there are no psychics. There are no predictors either. The million dollars promised to anyone who can show at least some more or less psychic abilities has never been taken away.

Immediately, the gift of foresight was organized even in the sniffed teenager Peter Parker, from which we can conclude that a Jedi would certainly come out of him good.

Sorry. A distant, distant galaxy far, far away. Who knows, if the newly minted Darth Vader showed up to smash the school and kill future Padawans at the moment when such a gifted spider would wander among the junings, maybe the "Star Wars" saga would not go beyond the 3rd episode.

The art of fighting, spider "sambo"

The downtrodden and notorious guy, which was Peter Parker before the bite of the "genetically modified" spider, turned into a super-duper martial artist without even really training. So-so, I left a couple of things in the room with the help of a spider web, and now he has his spider Jeet Kune-Do ready to use.

Apparently, the DNA of the spider, which awarded him with the mutagen, remembered the days when the creature was human (Ha!). How else to explain the fact that the "spider sambo" style is more suitable for use by a two-legged and two-armed humanoid, rather than eight-legged insects.

The most important achievement of the spider mind is the web

In the original version, the mutated organism of Peter Parker did not grow itself the glands that produced the cobweb. Spider-Man himself invented the composition for the web, advanced in physics and chemistry. He also developed web-bracelets.

In Sam Raimi's trilogy, the spider glands that shoot out the cobweb formed in Parker's spontaneously and were triggered when the fingers pressed in the middle of the palm. In appearance, they were not microns thick, and therefore it is not entirely clear how Parker's body could produce such an amount of "biocable" and, moreover, fit it into hands, seemingly of completely normal sizes.

For some reason, no one said that special food containing chemical elements that make up the web had to be eaten in wagons. Moreover, no one showed it.

"Biohydraulics of web release" also, by the way, amused. Therefore, in the restart, the filmmakers returned to technical devices.

In Webb's dilogy, and in the films from the Avengers series, Parker has a special gadget on his hand for throwing a web. The Amazing Spider-Man explained to us that the bio-cable that Spider-Man uses is the development of the fictional Oscorp Corporation. One shallow and flat double container with the size of one and a half square centimeters contains, allegedly, several hundred meters of such a biocable, capable of supporting tons of weight. It is made "according to the technology" of a spider's web, which can withstand a weight hundreds of times greater than the weight of the spider itself.

And again, the "inventors" did not familiarize themselves with the law of the square of the cube, from which they created the impression of a real unsuccessful shkolota in any person savvy in the subject. Well, okay.

Parker made a miniature device in his shed that fits in the case of an old clock, which was capable of targeting and targeting this bio-cable for many tens of meters.

But, again, the filmmakers left out three main questions:

• How can you push something that has almost no mass, and is, in fact, an elastic polymer, anchored in a bracelet at one end, over a huge distance?
• If a thread is so thin that several hundred meters of it fits in a miniature container, it, in fact, should be invisible and thin so that it would simply cut everything that the hapless superhero would use it to lift. And God forbid him to try to stop a living person falling from a height using such a biocable. Instead of slowing his fall, he will simply cut him into pieces with his super-strong, super-thin spider thread.
• How was the aiming performed, and, moreover, the accurate hit on the target, if the device does not even have a muzzle? Here, with a rifle with a long muzzle, you are tortured to hit the target, and Spider-Man uses his web throwers to target target even without training.

Probably, the "talent" for using the spider web ejection technology, which at the time of the mutation had not yet been invented, was also embedded in the mutated genes.

Wow, what a clairvoyant in the spider's poisonous glands turned out to be a mutagen.

Conclusion

You can end here. At different times in different guises, Peter Parker mastered some more abilities. For example, he could attach some kind of weight to his back with a web, he could push poisonous stings out of his forearms, etc. But such funny and paradoxical mutations are not even worth mentioning, let alone disassemble.

By the way, planning the premiere of another Spider-Man solo album from the world of The Avengers in 2021. Let's look forward to it. In the meantime, as usual, all the best to you and more cool movies and TV series!

The Topic of Article: Major Marvel Superheroes. Spider-Man Superpowers Debriefing.
Author: Jake Pinkman