Films and TV series from 13 to 19 December (Topic)

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Films and TV series from 13 to 19 December


The second decade of December in our country will be marked at once by a couple of high-profile film premieres. These are the long-awaited blockbusters "Aquaman" from the DC Universe and "Bumblebee", which in Hollywood is passed off as a 6 movie from the Transformers franchise, although, in fact, it is a spin-off and takes place long before the start of the first film. Yes, and of the normal transformers, in fact, only Bumblebee appears in it. At least, except for the ending and references to the past. But, first things first.

Some explanations on the meager list of premieres

And there is nothing to explain here. Here, like in Chukovsky's "Cockroach":

“The animals trembled, fainted. The wolves ate each other out of fright. The poor crocodile swallowed a toad. And the elephant, all trembling, and sat on the hedgehog ... "

That is, everyone, with their tails between their legs, fled from the fear-man-superheroes Aquaman (he is Jason Momoa, he is Ronan Dex from Stargate Atlantis, he is the untimely deceased Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, etc. .) and the Bumblebee transformer. Few people wanted to compete with these heavyweights. But ... We read the tale further:

“Only bully crayfish are not afraid of a fight. Although they move back, they move their mustaches and shout to the mustache cockroach: “Don't growl and don't shout! We are barbel ourselves! We can move our mustache ourselves! "

And below will be published a list of "mustaches" who are not afraid of "fighting a fight".

List of movie premieres of the second decade of December

They promise to become the undisputed leaders of the third week of December 2018:

  • Aquaman - science fiction, action, fantasy, adventure, in ch. starring Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Dolph Lundgren, Nicole Kidman and others (USA, Australia);
  • Bumblebee - fantasy, action, adventure, in ch. starring Hayley Steinfeld, Justin Theroux, Angela Bassett, Pamela Adlon, and others (USA).

And the following "mustachioed faces" are not afraid to fight them (partly rotten, partly documentaries, partly "Spider-Man", no matter how ridiculous it may sound):

  • I want to and jump off. Superheroes - comedy, action, in ch. starring Edoardo Leo, Valerio Epri, Paolo Calabresi, Libero De Rienzo and others (Italy);
  • Crystal - Comedy, drama, in ch. starring Alina Nasibullina, Ivan Mulin, Yuri Borisov, Svetlana Anikey (Belarus, USA, USA, Germany)
  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - cartoon, fantasy, action, adventure;
  • Petson and Findus 2. The Best Christmas Ever - family, cartoon, comedy, chap. starring Ali Samadi Ahadi, Ali N. Askin et al. (Germany);
  • Why are we creative? - documentary, attended by David Bowie, Jim Jarmusch, Stephen Hawking, Umberto Eco, etc. (Germany):
  • Impulse: More than flamenco - Emilio Belmonte, attended by Rocio Molina, Antonio Santiago Amador and others (France, Spain).

As we can see, the domestic film premieres this week scattered from the terrible blockbusters of Hollywood in different directions like mice with the lights on. Well, let's be content with foreign countries. What are the promises of the film industry leaders this week?

TV series of the second decade of December 2018

There will be three new seasons of significant TV series this week. And they even have one premiere attached:

  • Maastricht cops. Season 13 (TROS, Holland);
  • Voltron. Legendary Defender. Season 8 (Netflix, USA);
  • A Fuller Home. Season 4 (Netflix, USA);
  • Tide Country Season 1 Premiere (Netflix Australia)

And now let's analyze everything that we have listed here in more detail.

Brief reviews of future movie premieres

Even a glance at our dry schedule, you can see that there are no more or less new or, at least, worthy films this week, except for a couple of the blockbusters mentioned above. And in general, in fact, there are only two feature films that volunteered to compete with the powers that be. The rest are either cartoons or cheap outdated documentaries, the failure of which will not affect the pockets of domestic distributors.

And although the Belarusian film "Crystal", "not afraid of evil" this week, received flattering reviews from critics in Cannes, and was even nominated for the "Oscar" 2019, it will manage to collect absolutely nothing. The monsters will crush the poor Belarusian child. They will be rubbed into powder.

And with one of these "monsters" we will start our today's review.


Director James Wang

After the disastrous Batman v Superman and Justice League, the DCU has only one chance to gain momentum again. And this chance is "Aquaman", which was polished and brought to mind by a huge number of people for a huge amount of time.

Undoubtedly, Jason Momoa as the lord of the water element looks more than convincing. If only the wretchedness of the plot did not disappoint. And the danger of this exists. We are watching an extended video.

Apparently, Aquaman did not even know about his importance for some time. The boy brought up on land, it turns out, was the fruit of incest between terrestrial and underwater inhabitants (we will call a spade a spade, because Aquaman means “Water man” in USA).

Climbing into the heart of the Sahara, the future prince of the underwater kingdom and his girlfriend insert into a certain device a contraption that looks suspiciously like an MNT from Stargate, after which they see a hologram of the recording of the underwater king (again, like in one of the Stargate series, only there was a hologram from Thor).

And at this time in the underwater kingdom, well, very similar to the Gungan city hidden under water in Star Wars, passions are boiling, and some really do not want the real heir to get to the coveted trident. Therefore, a kind of underwater ninja in super suits are sent to our world, who must finish off Prince Momoa.

But the future Aquaman is also not a miss. By all appearances, it is clear that he still survives and gets to the super prize. And then even the greedy-Yakubovich is not a hindrance to him.

To be honest, the plot is more than mediocre. We will watch the filling.


Directed by Travis Knight.

Whatever the mediocre plot of Aquaman, the creators of the sixth film about transformers were afraid of him no less than everyone else. Someone will ask: “What were they afraid of? After all, they are released on the same day ... "

That's how it is, but only one day they are released exclusively in USA. This is one of those isolated cases when the premiere of a Hollywood film in our country happens earlier than in the United States itself. The Paramount Pictures, which have not been doing as well as they would like lately, do not want to lose their money due to the rivalry with Warner Bros. Pictures and DC Films, and therefore in their country they start premiere screenings of "Bumblebee" only on December 21, that is, a week after the premiere of "Water Man", when the excitement around it dies down.

And the plot is mediocre here and most of all resembles the cartoon "Steel Giant". Only there was a little boy as a nanny for a huge robot, and here - a teenage girl-call-by-pager. But director Lorenzo Di Bonaventura is famous for his ability to fill mediocre stories so that they begin to seem the pinnacle of cinematic art. And basically the whole plot is clear from the trailer. We watch it and ... Welcome to the premiere a week earlier than in America! When else will this happen!

By the way, all the cinematographers predict that Bumblebee will win the race for the budget, not Aquaman. Well, place your bets too, gentlemen!

I will want and jump off. Superheroes

Directed by Sydney Sibilia. IMDb rating 6.9.

The distributor PilotKino decided to make a knight's move and put on the screens a mediocre, rotten (the world premiere was already on November 27, 2017), but very cheap in terms of its rights to film adaptation in cinemas, the film of Italian filmmakers.

In their actions, the distributor's management was guided by the fact that not everyone will like the youth Aquaman and Bumblebee. And there are no alternatives to them at this time. Here are the figures from "PilotKino" and decided to give people such an alternative in the face of the rotten comedy "I Want and Get Off. Superheroes.

And how symbolic that the title contains the word "superheroes", right?

And in the role of superheroes there is a bunch of nerds who, through scientific knowledge, must find and neutralize a dangerous terrorist.

Does anyone remember a naive parody of Suicide Squad?


Directed by Daria Zhuk. KP rating 7.3.

"Searches and ordeals" by Veli from Minsk (by the way, a disco DJ) can lure only a few spectators to cinemas. There is nothing that needs to be watched on the big screen in this naive film. There are no special effects, no exciting plot, no chases, no shooting, or even fights. This is a mediocre comedy with elements of drama, which will be interesting only to those who believe in the fairy tale that everything is fine only in America. And here (here - in Belarus) everything is below the plinth.

Naive and disgusting. Only idiots will flaunt the other side of life in their country to the whole world. That is why the film is about the 90s. Like, now we are doing much better. But overall the hint is clear. We have a swamp, and in the west - a paradise land. And so it has always been and will remain in the future. Therefore, for a dream you need to go there ...

Of course, it is precisely such films in which the countries of the post-Soviet space are exhibited as suckers that deserve an Oscar. At least, in the opinion of Western critics and domestic filmmakers licking their ass, who nominated the idiotic Sobibor for the 2019 Oscar. Found something to advertise. Why are Americans not filming the truth about the Guantanamo base ...

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Directed by Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman.

This is where the list of feature films wishing to compete with superheroes and transformers has exhausted itself. There are only cartoons and rotten documentaries, and the only fresh masterpiece that can really grab a piece of the box office from the DC universes and transformers is, of course, the Marvel universe and its cartoon "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse."

It was a hint of this cartoon that was announced at the end of the feature film "Venom". And fans of Marvel supercomics will certainly not miss it.

And the idea here is that there are a dime a dozen parallel worlds around ours. And almost every (if not all) of them have their own spiderman. And they differ only in costumes and other minor nuances. But all, as one, are ardent champions of peace and justice. And when a terrible all-encompassing threat hangs over all worlds, all spider-men unite to give this multi-universal evil another super-sophisticated superhero rebuff.

At such moments, you constantly think: “And where are the rest of the Marvel superheroes chilling out at this time? Are they on vacation? " And by the way, yes! In this universe, the main Spider-Man is black. Needless to say! Western tolerance is off the charts!

Petson & Findus 2. Best Christmas Ever

Directed by Ali Samadi Ahadi. IMDb 5.5 rating.

Here distributors from the Big Cartoon Festival went even further in their idiocy. They found an even cheaper, rotten (the premiere was already in November 2016) and uninteresting picture than the figures from PilotKino. This half-mult from German creators is so mediocre and naive that it will be uninteresting even to the smallest ones who are just beginning to follow what is happening on the screen.

Here, cartoon characters are inscribed in a feature film and this is done at such a mediocre level that one can only wonder. And therefore, if someone decides to check out this masterpiece, do it at home, on TV or on torrents. Since this "something" is completely unworthy of the big screen.

Why are we creative?

Directed by Hermann Vaske. IMDb 7.0 rating.

It seems to the distributors from Inoekino that in the week in which there will be a battle for financial resources between Aquaman and the transformer Bumblebee, moviegoers will simply be extremely interested in learning why the human race is so creative.

Someone Hermann Veske, a talented researcher of human creativity, tortured all celebrities on this planet with the question "Why are you so creative" and was so naive that he thought that he would be answered so directly. But none of the respondents gave him a direct answer, since he looks trite and ordinary. And the answer, in fact, is as simple as two or two: “Because you need to earn money somehow. So you have to show miracles of creativity. ”

And it is very interesting that Herman never approached a homeless person on the street, and did not ask him the question "Why are you not creative?" Where is your tolerance, Germans? Blacks have long had equal rights with all. Lesbians and homosexuals too. And the poor? Hike, for people of art the poor are no longer people ...

Impulse: More than flamenco

Director. IMDb rating 5.4.

The super-dull and super-uninteresting documentary of last year by Spanish filmmakers, apparently, gave in for this, and therefore the figures from the "USA Report" simply could not help but try to cook from scratch.

We will not talk about this movie. Passionate dancer Rocio Molina, challenging herself, is uninteresting, judging by the IMDb rating, even in the west. So why would she be interesting in USA? By the way, for documentaries, a rating below 7 is akin to a rating below 4 for fiction. And if the rating here is 5.4, then this is comparable only to the lowest-grade treshak. Why stuff people with this stuff? Unclear.

And in light of the fact that we have enough of our own, both recognized and unrecognized, famous dancers, it also makes us angry with its anti-patriotism.

Announcements of new seasons of significant TV series

Three franchises have acquired new seasons this week. But more or less tracked of them is the superhero cartoon saga about "Voltron", which has been going on for seasons. Adults can be seriously interested only in the premiere of the week, which we will talk about at the very end.

Maastricht cops. Season 13

Genres: thriller, drama, crime.

TROS TV Channel (Holland), IMDb rating 7.4.

Rarely are the national projects of European countries in demand abroad. But this project is one of such exceptions.

The investigations of Floris Wolfe, once Amsterdam, and now Maastrician cop, have been going on for 11 years. A little more, and you can retire. As well as his colleagues in dangerous affairs Van Dogen, Marion Dresen and Romeo Sanders. But while there is still gunpowder in the flasks. We are watching the trailer for the next, already 13th in a row, season.

Voltron. Legendary Defender. Season 8

Genres: cartoon, comedy, fantasy, action, adventure, family.

Netflix TV Channel (USA), IMDb Rating 8.3, KP 7.5.

An ambitious project from the DreamWorks studio has also long gone beyond the United States and spread to all terrestrial TVs, the satellite dishes of which are able to catch the Netflix channel.

And, as it turned out, the Gapra empire and its ruler Zarkon are far from all evil, from which Voltron and his earthly partners will have to save the galaxy!

A fuller house. Season 4, all 13 episodes in one day!

Genres: family, comedy.

Netflix TV channel (USA), IMDb rating 7.0, KP 5.6.

In our country, the project did not have such a total reverence as in the West, but there are also fans among us of the recently widowed mother of two sons with an interesting surname and name DJ Tanner-Fuller. The good thing about the project is that all episodes of the season come out on the same day.

Just like Stranger Things last year and Origins this year! Always and with all seasons of TV shows!

Tideland / Tidal City. The premiere of the series.

Genres: Fantasy, Drama.

Netflix TV Channel (Australia).

As usual, all criminals at some time get tired of being like that, and they make a pilgrimage to their native land, hoping to start life from scratch. The same thing happens with the main character of the film. She returns to the quiet and unhurried fishing town of Orfelin Bay, but then after a while everything starts to collapse.

Mysterious murders begin to occur and the girl simply cannot restrain herself from understanding all this. It would be better not to understand at all. Digging deeper, she learns a terrible secret. The entire population of this town and not people at all. They are half sirens ...

On this fantasy note, we say goodbye to the next, already - New Year's, film premiere schedule, but in the meantime - all the best to you, and more cool films and TV series!

The Topic of Article: Films and TV series from 13 to 19 December.
Author: Jake Pinkman