Super spoiler. Issue 5. T-34 (Topic)

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Super spoiler. Issue 5. T-34


The main highlight of the program and the real champion in box office in the post-New Year period was our domestic blockbuster about the war called "T-34". Therefore, we could not pass by and also watched this "masterpiece" of our filmmakers. And our impressions were not so cloudy as those of others. Why? We'll tell you now.

What a movie

In today's "Superspoiler" we will not "spoil" too much. Let's just say that the picture is a modern rehash of the 1964 feature film Lark. In short: a tank crew, assembled from among the prisoners of a Nazi concentration camp, flees from an enemy tank range in a combat vehicle designed to be used by German tankers to hone their combat skills.


Only people who are completely unfamiliar with the art of war, or, in fact, those who really like to think about the essence of what is happening, can admire this masterpiece. On us personally, a lump of nonsense fell from the screen from the very beginning, when ...

Wooden post with distance indicators

... The idiot tanker got out of the car to cut down a wooden post. Yes, you have a lorry under your ass, push this piece of wood with your bumper, and drive on. You have a task. Hungry soldiers are waiting for you, and you are fooling around, endangering the very fulfillment of an important assignment.


After all, how a soldier at the front eats, first of all, his morale depends. A hungry soldier on the front line will have much less morale than a well-fed one. That is why they tried to feed the fighters better at the front than in the rear, especially when there was a severe shortage of food.

And then - I wanted to, I stopped. Moreover, consider, on the front line! What kind of sheep were you filming?

Lonely German tank, stray from the herd

Dear scriptwriters did not explain the following fact either. What, excuse me, the hell did a single German tank do all alone on the road? Has he fought off the herd like a sick deer?


I can see the drunken German crew commander saying, like Severide to his crew of rescuers in the Chicago Police Force: "Guys, let's take a ride." And the Fritzes got into the tank and drove to "skate" where even reconnaissance did not go.

Which is faster, turning the turret manually or turning the tank with the engine?

Next comes a dumb joke with a long turn of the tower. What is this bullshit for? It can be seen that this was done for the stupid and naive idiots, for whom all of us are considered. Why would a tank stop sideways and turn the turret if just one jerk of the lever and, as a result, cranking the tracks at the first reduced speed, will put the tank in the right position almost instantly. The gunner will only have to make some adjustments.


No, the Germans are stupid, like the Americans at Zadornov, the kingdom is heavenly to him. We close our eyes and see a conversation going on in the cockpit of the tank:

- Fritz, what for did you drown out? Start, turn sharply and I'll put a shell into them!

- No, Hans, no figs, not hunting, you'd better twist your "twists" there, and the guys and I will bet on whoever has time to turn around faster, or a USA wreck to slip past ...

And stuff like that. Well, not idiocy? How else to explain the fact that the driver did not turn the car to a vantage point? No way. All of them, the entire crew for some reason fought off their tank, polls are idiots. The authors of the script, for some reason, decided that the Fritzes didn’t care about the units, and there was no discipline at all. I wanted to, got myself a combat vehicle and went to see what was being done over the hill.

Interesting dodges

The next moment, which pissed us off, comes almost after. Of course, the situation itself is absurd: to dodge shells in a lorry ... But that's not the trick. While the lorry drove, moving away from the enemy tank in a straight line, it was still all right. But now the road turns, and the car with the field kitchen is already rushing along the perpendicular to the line of fire.


The German aims ahead of time at the sight, but the brave Liteha behind the wheel of a lorry, for some reason, on the next account "... Four!" does not slow down and does not accelerate, what you need to do if you want to dodge the projectile in this case, but again swings left and right.

Complete nonsense. What difference does it make if you deviate one and a half meters to the right or to the left, in this case the projectile will still fly to the barrel!

Seven in one hit!

During the entire war, there was not a single case of "penetration" of two tanks through one shell. Why did they include such an idiotic bullshit in the film? Why make a fantasy nonsense out of a seemingly serious film?


Why not tell us that at the end of the battle, when the tank was knocked out, the surviving tankers suddenly gasped and flew away from the battlefield on their own jet propulsion?

Let's smoke a dinosaur out of the cave!

They also kicked out the flamethrowers and the commander's order: “Infantry! Smoke a tank out of cover! " Why "smoke" a tank out of the stable? It's wooden, not armor-piercing! Beat it from such and such a distance with direct fire and that's all, what nonsense is this?

And the fact that they tried to drive the armored car out of this very stable, while shooting at the windows from a flamethrower, and not throwing anti-tank grenades there, is completely absurd. Well, right, the German "Zoldaten" were idiots. At first they threw a couple of grenades, some farts, and thought: "Oh, we still miss! Why throw something further, spend grenades?" So, what?


It remains only to be amazed how the Fuhrer's army, consisting of such incompetent in the martial art, stupid, managed to be near Moscow in a couple of months. Not otherwise, ours were even dumber? On this film, it seems, you can not tell. Dumb, of course, but not by that much. Look, as many as ten Germans have worked with one tank. Miracles, and only ...

Conclusion or Other tricks of the feature film "T-34"

Further - more. But if you stop at every corner, the article will be the size of "The Three Musketeers" by Dumas. Separately, of course, I would like to highlight the idiocy of the concentration camp. The prisoners in it were so well-fed that one can only marvel. Considering that they were starved there to die quickly, they had to look more like walking skeletons. There is also a solid sanatorium. Some of the prisoners, as you can see in the photo below, were frankly pot-bellied.


The Fritzes would never have tried to escape from such a camp. Either they would immediately slap when escaping, or they would be pulled up in front of others, so that others would be discouraged. There they were shot on the spot and for lesser sins. And 7 shoots! .. Damn, the impression is that we are talking about a western prison of increased comfort and the laws are not a fig not of the Third Reich.

In general, who looked and was satisfied - so be it. Just forget that fascism was evil is not worth it. Here, no, no, and a kind smile will flicker on him. And, meanwhile, this is how the concentration camp prisoners actually looked when they were liberated by our troops.


And here are the mountains of corpses that remained after the killing of people in these concentration camps.


Such distortion of facts, dear domestic filmmakers, whose relatives themselves were killed at the front in the war against the German fascist invaders, should not be allowed! Otherwise, our descendants will quickly begin to think that their ancestors were liars and that they themselves attacked kind and fluffy Germany, and neither she on us ...

The Topic of Article: Super spoiler. Issue 5. T-34.
Author: Jake Pinkman